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March 06 Things to do before I dieGet a PhD Go to Japan, any city will do Go to Santorini, Greece Help non-profitable organizations with needs to improve their online stuff Get involve in medical research Go to Disney Land/World Observe at least one Thai student being able to "think" June 17 Why can't people be honestIt is just a question that keeps coming back to me.
And I know that I won't get any answer.
People like that are just not cool. They think they are, though. May 28 Let's facebook1It's been sometimes that I haven't updated MSN spaces. Life is as usual, busy. In addition, I am addicted to using facebook and found that life is easier and more fun communicating to friends through facebook.
So if you are reading this and would like to know how it feels like as a facebooker. Log on to www.facebook.com, apply and find me. I see u there.
April 19 Visa..........We.zaaaaaaNo...it's not over yet...my hell visa application process.. At least, the two that i'm waiting for have come back to me..Canadian and US visa, 1.5 years for the former and 10 years for the latter. This will save my time and me out of this shit trouble. Ex, for each app process, it will take 2 weeks to prepare all documents and one full day of travelling, hours waiting and 100 pounds expenses. The next one I have to get will be Spanish (for my travelling). At least, one thing I found out yesterday made my day; I dont need a visa to go Brazil.. Thank you Brazil on behalf of Thai population! Here I come Toronto-Chicago, watch out! :) March 26 A Year of TravellingI have written in my facebook. One more good news. I got accepted to Interact 2007 in Rio... Was dream about going to Rio when I was in Venice last Jan. Couldn't believe that it comes true so soon...... So my rough journey plan this year is first in Cardiff, then Toronto, (hopefully) Chicago and then Rio. Has a lil chill hope being in California some time in between Chicago and Rio. We are what we aim and go for! My flatmate made an interesting comment. You are what you go for ?!?! Does that make you british , canadian, american and Brazilian? I forgot to add that in between Chicago and Rio, I will definitely go to Switz and Spain (with my parents). So shall I add Swiss and Spanish to the above nationality lists. Um.............. At the moment, I am so sick of applying visa. It takes all of my time, each document needs days to research, book, prepare...Goshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Any nationality that will help me out of this shit will do. Actually I prefer British.... Look around.............Herr.........a big sigh............not even a single prospect. March 06 Thai Night 2007The biggest annual event held by Thai Association is Thai Night. This year, as one of a committee, I got under snowed with so many things but we have managed to have it done nicely with lots of laugh and fun.
Thank you for all.
I have uploaded an album for this event. As well as, there are several links available for more photos.
The first one "Thai Night 1" is the atmosphere earlier that day before the event start. http://www.flickr.com/photos/notepichy/sets/72157594554894388/
the second one "Thai Night 2" is since the event start at 6 pm : http://www.flickr.com/photos/notepichy/sets/72157594554926848/ The third one "Thai Night Performance" : http://www.flickr.com/photos/24918141@N00/sets/72157594555750967/ And the last one "After the show" : http://www.flickr.com/photos/24918141@N00/sets/72157594556819368/ Good newsYesterday I got accepted to the Pervasive 2007 Doctoral Colloquium which will be held in Toronto this May.
After a month of hardworking (Jan 2007), I have submitted papers to 3 conferences and 1 scholarship. I was rejected from CHI but this one helps keeping my hope growth.
Last year when I got accepted to several events, I was glad but they were all not because of my current work, rather my fortune or my past experieces (of course, nice CV). This time the feeling is totally different, I did write something, express my idea and research interest to the HCI community.
It is absolutely true according to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, as a PhD student in computer science, my self-actualisation needs is to be accepted by peers as one of the HCI researchers who has produced valuable works and contribute my findings to the advancement of HCI field of study. I thrives for more.
ps1. But just yesterday, again I discovered something that contradicts my belief then it weakens my current idea of research topic.
ps2. The photo I took last week, for the first time in Thai costume (Chak-gree) for the Global Evening 2007.
March 03 Ann Frank, Violence and The WorldMy friend asked me yesterday, what's my future plan? Well.........gonna be a Dr. then get back working for sometimes and get out of Thailand, find the place in need, I'll work for the poor indeed. The the next question to myself, Why outside Thailand? I am not sure about the answer I just feel like it. Thailand is a miniature world, there are many people in need but I might fear of the social depress and sexual captivity of male population in my country. I would not be safe to be a woman in rural area. I feel lonely sometimes but I am sad no more. I am independent and happy being alone. In retrospection, I was so unhappy in the past. I was crying out, dying to have someone loving me. But now I know that there are many more people suffering. There is no point for me to mourne about my good life. I have a house, family, bank account, plenty of clothes, many gadgets, nonsense stuff and big responsibility for the world I live in. It is ruined by us. Humans fight and kill the others for nothing. The world has never been in peace, just once in our history. I am reading Ann Frank's diary, following a visit to her house in Amsterdam and a view of the movie Freedom Writers. We are so little as an individual. We might not make a big change in history. At least, I hope that having this intention, I will at least leave something good for the next generation. Violence is everywhere. Racism is hidden in a modern society. It likes chain reaction. Because we are human being so we need someone to feel superior of. If there is a God and he cursed us for our sins, I would say that we must have indefinite of those. We pay the price by living this suffering life. No matter who you are, where you are, you will never be happy or rest in peace. But I am a buddhist, we dont have God anyway. It's too sad, too sane, this diary. I shall stop it here. ps. I still cant live in green to help reduce carbon emission. I hate me for this.
March 01 In generalSometimes I'm bored of meeting people, bored of answering the same old question "How are you?" Well, the answer is the same, so so, just dont want to talk, I am weird. Sick for the past 2 days, this damn pain wont go away, I will just die with it.
Quote of the day "You shouldn't speak until you know what you are talking about." I found myself being silent in the group for so many times, I have nothing to say as well as I dont give a shit on the matter. February 19 Are you happy?The first world map of happiness has been produced by U of Leicester, this year Thai is ranked 76 of 178 nations. Not bad, though!
Am I happy? Well, subjectively, not bad. The result, at least, can represent this situation, we are not on the top, but well there are a lot more people suffering.
Sources:
January 31 Rise and FallToday I got an email from my English teacher, Ms Ann Smurthwaite. I got bad news from her about my long-time classmates, all of them. I have been studied English with her 6-7 years ago; I sought for a place to practice my spoken English. It was a kind of community/religious English school called Baptist. It is very cheap I did not expect much. The first day I was quiet, disappointed for the whole class seemed to be far below my standard. And I decided not to come to class anymore. I still can remember at the end of that class I offerred Ms Ann a ride home. She thanked me and the first thing she said to me was "you wont come again next week, will you?"... I was like...did not say anything....and eventually said "of course why not I will come again next week".. Had not she said that, I would not get to know all of these good people. After a while I have learnt to be more patient, tolerate to people who can't speak as fast as I am. I thought I was better than the others. I learnt from this class that I might be the best in class in term of using English but anything else I'm the worst. I had no idea, I was passive, not quite creative. That group of unsexy people (to me) taught me a lot about life and living. After being together (every week) for several years, we had decided to get to know the others' name and everything else. It was so stupid to me everytime I think back why I waited that long to get to know them. We went out for dinner quite often after that and got close. Ms Ann has helped preparing me for life in England. Eventually, we reached the topmost level of class at that school. We decided to continue our Saturday class schedule privately at Ms Ann's house (after 5 years she bought a condo in Thailand.). Then I left all of my classmates and am here in England. This is a quote from Ms Ann's email. Nisit has now returned to
Madison, and is considering going to New York to do another degree which can
allow him to practise there. He seems to be doing very well and says he
came lst out of a class of 35 scholarship students.
Sadly, I think our Saturday class has come to an end. Oy is once again in Switzerland, for how long she is not sure. Jin has run away from an unhappy love affair &
has gone back to Hatyai to live with her mother. Oot has embarked on a spa
management course for 6 months (Saturdays) as she plans to open her own
spa. Oot also has a brain tumour which is benign & has refused
surgery, preferring just to keep it under observation every 3 months. Bor
had major surgery for a number of cysts in & around her uterus, & had a
full hysterectomy. She did return to class after about 6 weeks & was
looking very well, but now they have discovered more cysts in her breast
area. This will obviously require further treatment, so she & Jack
& Or have decided we should suspend our Saturday class. As I will be
going back to Chiswick in the second half of April for 3 months, I do not
suppose that we will start again. Sad, isn't it. After so long, I
shall miss them all. I don't know how to respond to this email. It is too tragic. Nisit and I had a deep passion for studying abroad and here we are doing what we have aimed for. All of the class seems to watch us grow. And now all the rest are suffering from many bad things. After reading this email, I feel like looking at the old school photograph. In my retrospection, pictures of all my friends flash into my conscious memory. It is a good old memory. We had good times together. But nothing lasts forever, nothing stays the same. Life goes on, we have to move on. But as Ms Ann wrote......After so long, I shall miss them all. She ended her email.. Thank you for your prayers. Keep praying for
me - I feel that I really need them.
Meanwhile, be assured that you & the girls are
always in my prayers. She really is my savior, my angel. I keep praying for her and her well-being. I am also looking forward to see her this Easter. January 11 Sad and tiredI always believe that there is nothing I can't do and one day I have to admit that there are so many things I really can't do. Sometimes I feel that it's too much to move on, too far to reach, too difficult to achieve. Several times I keep asking myself what I am doing, why I am doing this. Once I used to think that THIS is the ultimate goal of my life, THIS is what I really want througout my life. Now I'm not sure. I find something else more enjoyable, something else I want to do more. So THIS is the consequence of my decision, of what I thought best for me, of whatever...then I have to carry on. I know that it's just one of another thousand obstacles that I will encounter throughout my life. But I am really tired. Edit 12/01/2007 (Fix you..Coldplay) When you try your best but you don't succeed **************************** I'm going to submit paper to CHI DC 2007 in San Jose, CA. I hope to get accepted but prior to that I need to finish this paper... I'm going to submit an application for scholarship. I also hope to be chosen...but prior to that I need to finish an application. I am certain that I will finish both on time.. What I doubt is whether they are good enough. My answer to myself is always a NO. That's why I am so disappointed with my own ability.......but I will keep trying...it must get better someday. Pray for me! December 04 PhD PhD... Physically Hopeless DaydreamerMany reasons why I call myself a Physically Hopeless Daydreamer:
first of all, we have to write something called Thesis. It's not 1500 words, nor is it 2500 words, nor is it 4000 words. It’s a minimum of 70,000 with a maximum of over 100,000. Only a thousand word essay took me one whole week and it's crap and I had to rewrite it several times. If I do have to write 100000, it will take me at least 700 days to write alone, without reading, without thinking. I’m not going to be able to type this out, it’s a minimum 3 year drudgery on the one task. I spent one already, I have got 2 left. I see no possibility to finish in 3 years as planned.
secondly, No, I don’t party like a teenager every weekend. It’s not the fun life you have at university. To me, this PhD is my lifestyle, it becomes my job, working 50-60 hours a week, thinking and reading, thinking about what to think, and being bored of that thinking all the time. This is my hopeless lifestyle. I dont know what I am doing. I dont know where it ends. I dont know what I will achieve.
thirdly, I came here with a belief that I will change the world, discover the next big thing and get the Nobel prize for all the good sake that I will contribute to the world. After a year, I have to learn to live with reality. I feel stupid sometimes because it's me who asks questions and it's me who have to supply the answers. Outside academia, people who do that are considered nuts.
forthly, whatever you think it's great. Yes, you are going to get PhD with that idea. The next day you discover someone has done that 3 years ago and another one and another one and another one....Oh Shit, nothing left for you to do anymore. Then you have to think harder to come up with another great idea again ... then the next day you discover some had published that 50 years ago........this is called a vicious circle. It will never end.
fifthly, the pressure is of a completely different kind. You dont know what it is, but it's always there.
Many more reasons....I wish I could pass my viva.
Let's pray (and continue workin n thinkin n readin n thinkin and .........I wanna scream.....)
October 15 Acupuncture for AcneHave you read the title? Yes, you are right. Acupuncture can cure acne. I have a very serious skin problem lately and I decide to do something. I'm now under this treatment. I hope that it's gonna be okay very soon. I'm so missing myself.
Ps. now I told the doctor to help me on all the things, acne, backpain and period pain... soon will tell him to help liposuc my tummy.
October 12 I must try harderLast night I finished my first official academic writing piece then I sent to several of my mentors.
I got the feedback, I thank them for all of their supports.
I realize that my English is still crap and I need a lot of improvement.
I learnt that in order to make criticism you have to do it the right way, not just criticise, but also give the hint on what should be done.
Sometimes, people are so unkind to you, life is not easy, you have to learn how to cope with that, admit, let go and move on.
Everytime I found there are people who always cherish and support me. People who care, people who help cheer me up.
Thank you.
ps. but I think that we do need both types of people, then you prepare for all kinds of response. Be strong and Get better!
October 08 Semester beginsIt's been my second year in UK already. Time is running so fast that I have no time left to kill.
This semester begins last week with loads of tutoring job and ASW with my old student. It's a bit crazy for the first week, but we made it through.
My life has changed a lot in the course of only 1 year. It's all because enviroment change, situation change, season change and me willing to change. I have to thank all the surrounding people that influence me in different ways. Friends who always be with me, supervisor who always supports me and family which is the wind beneath my wings.
Now I can cook, I'm tidy and more discipline, independent and can let go easily and hopefully I can maintain this good quality in me.
My new resolution. I'll live different life every year. And I will live it as I want it to be. My life is in my hands and so does yours. No one will ever hurt you if you won't let them. This might be the biggest thing I learnt this year.
Ps.At the moment I'm so into the song "Blind" of Lifehouse. For the past 2 months, I think I have listened to it more than 500 times already.
"And part of me die, when I let you.....go."
The second hit will be another song "You and Me"...
"And it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of YOU"
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